|
[03 Oct 2005|03:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
wow.
i havent updated this in a long while. but why the hell not. im up at almost 6 am on a sunday [well monday if you want to be technical about it] and i cant sleep.
my mom has surgery tomorrow and i hope everything goes alright. im pretty sure it will.
im moving in 26 days...scary feeling. ive made so many new friends...recently and i feel like im just abandoning them. but this is what my future needs...and im not going to look back. and for those of you that support me and are genuinely happy for me, you are my true friends. steven and i have decided to live together. it just seems like the smarter decision when it comes to finances and things like that. im so excited yet anxious yet SCARED out of my mind.
there are so many people im going to miss...but dont worry ill be visiting once or twice a month. and more often when i have a car. i know ill be homesick.
thats my update for now...my back is starting to hurt and i think i need some sleep finally.
♥
|
|
|
[21 Jul 2005|02:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
feel trapped sometimes? i keep feeling that...everyday. i feel distanced from everything. i feel like there is a wall between steven and i...and its killing me a little more everyday. its not his fault. hes just not used to opening up. i just wish i could prove to him im worth opening up to. my mom is having an abortion tomorrow...it turns out that the tumor they found in her uterus is too dangerous to the baby so theyre going to have to abort the pregnancy. i feel so bad for her. i hung out with whit and ashley tonight...it was alot of fun. i love whitney so much...i dont know what ill do when we move away from each other. i think that everytime i hang out with her...i realize how much fun we have and then it makes me think what its going to be like without her. i started reading plato's republic tonight...it felt good to learn, but it kind of made me realize how conversation is so under-appreciated lately. no one has time or motivation to just sit down with someone else and just talk, debate...learn from each other. there are only three people that do talk to me...and enjoy it. whitney, steven, and daryl. daryl is such a wonderful person. im so confused about somethings right now. there are so many things i want to do with my life...but i need money...and that isnt coming like i thought it would. my mom has been pretty hostile these past two days. i cant do anything without pissing her off. but i hope its just the hormones. ive also been self-loathing lately. i just havent been happy at all with my appearance. i know thats a shallow thing to be down about, but its just been in the back of mind. im just too damn anxious and eager about my future right now. i just want to fast forward and skip the next 2 or 3 months. thats about how long its going to take for me to finally be happy. which will seem like forever. i dont know why all of a sudden i feel so down...i just realized everything thats been bothering me, and ive been trying to bottle it up. thats never a good idea...especially for me. hopefully after i get some things off my chest ill feel alright. and maybe...somehow ill have a stroke of luck and things will start to fall in place. until then...im going to try to relax and take things as they come.
goodnight
♥
|
|
| insomnia kills. |
[15 Jul 2005|03:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
i should be asleep. but for some reason tonight my mind wants to hate my body and not give it permission to sleep. im totally in love with my band of the week...kashmir...dont go look for their CD they havent been released in the U.S. quite yet. but to sum them up, theyre basically a less depressing radiohead. not close to how amazing radiohead...but the singer has a similar voice and the musical style is similar as well. i suggest you download something from them. i sat and did a bunch of financial planning tonight which felt really good...now i know what i need to get done in the next couple of months so i can get my ass out of SA on onto some big oppurtunities. i may have a job working for urban decay or hard candy when i move to arlington/dallas. which is fucking AMAZING. i just got a job with Ralph Lauren fragrances. i really hope that works out. 14 bucks an hour to look cute and sell perfume to women? hell IM down. so i convince steven that im the best girlfriend in the world tonight...lol dont ask. i just got the title. i love that boy. hes the first non-douchebag ive dated. BIG STEP. so back to my financial stuff...i need about 3 or 4 grand before i move up there. so get ready to see workin my ass off lacie...*dramatic musical interlude*. aha. i need to start writing in here more often. just so i can keep this journal always and when im older...i can read it and remember. so i got accepted to be a suicide girl earlier this week...which im still debating wether im going to do it...we'll see. im kidnapping whit when she gets out of school and were gonna go up to arlington so i can get my hair done for free and FINALLY get it how i want it. and then steven is coming back with whit and i for my mom's wedding reception. i cant believe my mom is having another kid...and getting married. its just so random. you have to see her fiancee to understand my awe. just go to google...images...robert washington. and yeah thats really him. i live with that guy. SO BE NICE. my sister hasnt called me in about a week...its starting to piss me off. shes so flaky sometimes it drives me nuts. tomorrow im gonna turn in some more applications to other places (because yes i need 2 jobs) and probably go shopping for some work clothes (because i have to be ultra conservative...which does not exist in my wardrobe). then some workin out...because i need it. swim a few laps and throw in some crunches. im starting to eat healthier as well...and ive cut down the smoking. sometimes i hate writing these kind of entries because deep down i know people dont really give a flying FUCK about this random shit...and its not my deep and random poetry...so i apologize if this is a waste of your time. it just gives me something to do every night at 5 am when i cant go to fucking sleep. i dont think anyone remembers that i have a livejournal anyways. oh well. meaningless shit. im gonna try to sleep now. i need it. night.
♥
the girl on the left
|
|
| SEAGRAM's FUZZY NAVEL |
[08 Jun 2005|05:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drunk |
] |
k its high time for a journal entry.
so yeah im totally bored right now, rockin out to DJ shadow sippin a wine cooler.
omg im going to kill myself.
so, basically im still in arlington because i missed my bus 3 FUCKING times. AND NOT ON PURPOSE.
its fucking ridiculous.
but oh well im still havin a blast.
even though my mom hates my guts right now.
but w/e like thats anything new.
i beat steven's ass at tekken 4 last night...but then he busted mine on Soul Calibur II.
i love a boy that can whoop my ass at video games.
now hes at work and i was hangin out with the rest of the 817 crew. HAHAHAHAHA. o god.
and we just sat around playin video games and we took a trip to taco bell.
i also realized that i can make a MEAN chef boyardee pizza. SHIIIIIIIT fool.
so now i gotta figure out what im gonna do tonight
i miss jason alot too...i wanna go get coffee with him and chat when i get back to SA.
hes so fucking badass.
but i do miss whitney like WHOAAAAAAAAAAA. (haha she hates it when i say that too)
but yeah...i love my girl.
k time to go entertain myself...maybe practice some yoyo....
♥
laciedawn
|
|
| Arlington Romance |
[03 Jun 2005|04:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
Yeah so im writing from arlington. in Steven's room while hes at work at hot topic. I just realized how much i ♥ the killers. they rock my life. im here until saturday. i still cant believe my mom let me come here. i had an interesting bus ride on the way over here. this blind guy was telling some really old/annoying dude that he found out his dog was gay then went in his room and cried for about an hour. i tried so hard not to laugh. whit's pets have the tendency to be gay though. aww i miss chipper. so i think im really movin here for school in a month or two. i decided to major in photography and minor in psychology and maybe take some philosophy classes on top of that. interesting mix huh? im cant wait to quit my job at HEB its so horrid. Steven is gonna try to get me a job here @ hot topic. i really wanna work at a bar though. i wonder if id make good money bartending. hmmmm...okay im gonna go finish getting pretty and maybe do some art until Steven gets off. OH! and for those of you that have tried to call my cell, i lost it. but im gettin a new one on the 8th. AND DONT FORGET MY BIRTHDAY! or ill have some ass whoopin to do.
♥
laciedawn
|
|
| hollywood killers and midnight thrillers |
[02 Jun 2005|03:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sick |
] |
so i'm awake at almost 6 a.m., sick as hell coughing my brains out. lovely huh?. i just really havent been able to sleep lately. there is so much in my head. i just want to leave this city, and take whitney with me. im so tired, and so numb...but i feel so much right now. i almost want to just bust out crying. im not happy, im not sad...im overwhelmed by being so loved and unloved at the same time. everything is about to change though. im moving in july/august to arlington for school and something else ♥. my birthday is in 13 days. 18...wow. its funny how fast 18 years has gone by. okay im way too tired to write on and on. but the journal is now OPEN.
night everyone.
♥
laciedawn.
|
|
| dancin with myself...uh ohh oh oh |
[01 Apr 2005|02:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mischievous |
] |
yeah so i got off at like 1 today.
sucked ass.
closing can be fun though...when you turn up the radio and make fun of people the whole time haha.
one of my CCM's angie whos like 37 blasted billy idol and helped me make fun of people.
she rocks at life.
my computer is being a faggot...so im usin my moms laptop until its fixed.
technology sucks sometimes.
i think i might go see the exies in a couple weeks, its a band i kinda got turned on to.
ILL BE 18 IN 2 1/2 MONTHS START COUNTING DOWN.
i need to start drawing my tattoo, all my friends are pitchin in for me to get it done. YAY!
so yeah i cant wait till summer...its going to be the best...well until whit turns 18...so next summer will be the best. but oh well.
so im officially addicted to the style channel...they play continuous runway shows late at night.
some of these designers that are comin out are AMAZING...the form and function of these clothes wows me.
im trying to decide between being a fashion/beauty major...or a graphics design major.
oh well.
time to work on my art project.
ninight.
♥ fuckfuckfuck
|
|
| burning alive in an apartment bedroom |
[20 Mar 2005|05:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
hmm i dont know what im gonna rant about right now.
lets just update on the world of lacie.
i work too much, i saw my sis for the first time in months this week and hung out with her and whitney like alllll weekend.
last night whit and i went shopping at the mall with hangovers haha.
then we got ready to go to white rabbit to see zao and the julianna theory.
so her dad drops us off at the rabbit and we wait in line only to find out that the show is 13 bucks.
FUCK THAT.
id pay 13 for someone worth it.
so whit and i wandered downtown for a bit takin pics of random shit until we decided to check out sanctuary.
so we found out pretty girls make graves was playing and luckily josh got us in for 10...because like the rabbit...the show here was 13 as well.
so we got in for 10 after waiting outside in the cold and pouring rain.
me josh whit and liz all hung out at the bar before the show got started...we tried to entertain ourselves with tongue twisters and state capitol games.
after that....EVERYTHING SUCKED.
kill me tomorrow was pretty good...more of a drop acid in the desert and THEN listen to them kind of band...but still good.
the second band...dear god i wanted to choke myself they were so awful.
and pretty girls make graves...SUCKED...they sounded like EVERY OTHER scenester band.
it sucked ass.
the rest of the night was uneventful.
i have about 2 1/2 months before i move out of SA.
GOD I CANT WAIT TO DISAPPEAR FROM THIS CITY.
no that i dont love my hometown...i just need somethin new.
so now i have to go get ready for work.
cell: 685 3344...yeah i got it back.
♥ laciedawn
|
|
| resurrected like the 80s |
[09 Mar 2005|10:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 dorky |
] |
okay im resurrecting my journal.
im sure youre ecstatic.
so i went and saw river city rebels tonight with nerd rock.
it was way fun.
and now im super bored watchin anime on cartoon network.
make fun of me and ill run you over.<3
im totally in love with this band bloc party.
i intensely suggest you download them.
now im gonna go jam out and stuff my face with hotpockets and cookies.
|
|
| they only want you when youre seventeen. |
[26 Jan 2005|11:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
K i hung out with ian buffpants tonight.
It was fun stuff his dad is the best ever.
Now im home watching Aqua Teen <3
now for this....DO IT.
I _____ Lacie Dawn.
Lacie Dawn is _____.
Lacie Dawn needs ______.
I want to _____ Lacie Dawn.
Lacie Dawn can ______.
do it....you know you want to.
|
|
|
[25 Jan 2005|04:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
for jon becker. i love you.
were like black and white films
put on repeat
gracing the big screen
turning people into fountains
pouring emotion into each other
lets hope you never drive away
before i can say i love you back
your words make me tremble
your smile makes me weak
lets walk the streets of downtown
two lovers under city lights
with snow-laced kisses
ill tie a ribbon around my heart
for your happy birthday
and one night
well grace an airport
with hopeless romanticism
sleepless in ottawa that night.
im in love with my thousand mile boy. <3 jon you have my heart.
|
|
| im thinking its a sign, that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images |
[19 Jan 2005|12:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giddy |
] |
time to update.
right now im so happy i could dance all around my room, trip, fall to the floor and scrape my knees (so 4th grade) and id just lay there with a smile on my face.
i had a pretty crappy week and ive been under house arrest until tonight.
i got to hang out with bobby <3, we watched zoolander and it was the best ever.
now im sitting here waiting for it to be 1:05 a.m.
no particular reason :)
i talked to jon last night and it was extra awesome.
tomorrow im off to the movies i think.
heart everyone.
|
|
| Poems and Codes |
[25 Dec 2004|10:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
restless |
] |
i would kiss you if the razors buried in your words wouldnt slice my passion into the crimson pool that is my desire.
so make a move.
i want to feel your abuse on the tips of my fingers.
i want to shiver from the cold you send through my veins.
like a pattern of destruction you bleed through me.
this pain is addictive.
your touch leaves invisible track marks.
no one could lift up my sleeve and decipher what this is.
under the sheets youre the missing piece to this puzzle
and on the streets youre just miles away.
if i could lead you to my arms, id arrest you.
handcuffed to my heart and locked away by my kiss.
cant you feel that when your muscles tense as my nails scrape away at you.
in the deepest surrender of love, i know you want this.
stop running.
i want you to feel me.</align>
|
|
|
[23 Dec 2004|09:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mellow |
] |
good morning.
so i'm still at that kid's house.
waiting for my mom to pick me up.
i hate waiting for rides, it makes me ancy.
i wanna get my hair cut before xmas.
not shorter, just fixed.
so hopefully i get paid in the next hour or so.
that would be nice.
my mom's friend (the kid's mom) made me a screwdriver last night.
i slept better than any other night and woke up at 8 this morning because i heard head automatica on the tv.
i HAD to wake up to that song.
babysitting wasnt too hard last night.
this kid was funny as hell, he watched aqua teen with me till like 4 and we both crashed on the couch.
cute 11 year old.
he was telling me last night that he told this girl he didnt like her anymore and all her girlfriends were trying to beat him up.
don't we miss junior high. *gag*.
he also ran in to tell me - randomly i might add - that some guy got 107 years for giving aids to over 100 people.
and he asked me why they didn't just give him life.
and i told him it was to torture them, because they have to live in prison the rest of their lives.
i also told him that jeffrey dahmer got 937 years in prison for 15 murders.
this kid says hes a ladies man, and he knows every word to just about every tupac song.
it was the funniest thing.
ahhh to be 11.
ill be home today around 10 or 11.
call me if you wanna talk to me ♥</align>
p.s. i need a new digi camera...last minute christmas gifts anyone? *hint hint*
|
|
| I want some Change |
[23 Dec 2004|01:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
so i'm babysitting right now and im super sick. im getting so tired of the same things happening everyday. its so pointless. i want change, i want excitement. i need somebody. i hate being alone.
paint me in a masterpiece
wearing a smile
and maybe ill seem happy
for once in awhile
so im talking to someone i havent been talking to. even though i should have stayed in touch. hes wonderful. he makes me feel better. i wish i wouldve been a better friend to him. but things change. i think things will start to get better soon. ive had two people break my heart in the course of 2 weeks. jesus. i miss whitney as well. i love her to death. and i wish we hadnt grown apart. but it is my fault i guess.
i really want someone who is different. one of those people who are so different...and you just know that theyre not like anyone else. thats what i want. thats what im looking for. who knows what the next few months could present to me.</align>
|
|
|
[14 Dec 2004|02:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
so ive been home all day.
and done nothing productive.
so im waitressing at the chili's on dezavala soon.
FUN.
so come buy and give me tips hehe.
i really want to see a series of unfortunate events for some reason.
it looks ecclectic, no wonder it attracts me.
im in a weird mood today.
i feel kind of down but in a fun mood all at the same time.
very strange.
so i hear calico system will be at Sin on the 19th.
im wondering if i want to go.
i dont really have many friends anymore and i dont want to go alone.
isnt that pathetic.
jesus.
call me if you wanna talk.
|
|
|
[17 Nov 2004|08:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
OMG! look im not dead.
yeah so i havent posted in awhile.
why in the HELL am i awake.
lemme update.
i got fired.
lots of things are going bad.
whitney and kurt and i are bad asses.
and im going camping this weekend.
informed?
|
|
|
[01 Nov 2004|12:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
restless |
] |
I'm going to try and explain how I see things right now. If you don't want to read a long semi-philosophical rant, then don't read this entry.
I'm starting to view people as pawns in some infected game. You can only move forward, one space at a time. I feel as if i'm the one piece that gets to move last, and can't figure out where to move. I'm becoming cold and complacent when i'm alone. When i'm with other people i can focus on something other than what i don't want in life. I want too many things. Sometimes i sit and just think of so many "what ifs". I don't like dwelling on the past. But when it comes to haunt me in my dreams, i can't help but think about it. I wish i could've done so many things differently. I would have so much more to be proud of instead of reprimanding myself for the things i've done wrong. I try not to care. I despise dramatic impulses...when i just want to completely "freak out" for lack of a better phrase. I know that when i do it just makes things worse. I'm so anxious lately...and not in a good way either. I don't know what to expect anymore. I used to be able to playfully predict what would happen to me next. And now i have no clue whatsoever. Love is torture, simply put. It's like that little kid with a magnifying glass trying to set me ablaze...and all for the sake of entertainment. I feel lost again. Not in the same way as before. I'm trying to grow up too fast. I want to be successful, i want to attempt to be ahead at life, but i also want to actually ENJOY it. This is fear and loathing. I've come to realize what being truly grateful means. But i've also come to the conclusion that things will never be perpetually grand, not that i wantthem to be. Challenges are invigorating, but when they come about every day or so, it gets to be tiring. I miss my friends, i miss the family i used to have. I don't like being sad. I don't like hurting anyone. So why do i? I make too many mistakes and i'm tired of the regret. It all just tears me apart. I'm not trying to say "life sucks" and all that nonsense, because it really doesn't. I'm just going through hard times right now, and i'm thankful to all the people that help me through them. I hope eventually i won't be so overwhelmed, but for now i just need to work on it. For those of you who actaully took the time to read this, thank you for caring.
|
|
|
[28 Oct 2004|04:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lethargic |
] |
♥ ♥ ♥
I can't wait to dress up...
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
lipstickmurders's journal